They Looked Like Strong Hands
by GunsAndHandcuffs
Summary: Draco's conflict as he nears the road to becoming a Death Eater and his doubts... (terrible summary, please, just read. Also, leave reviews? I'll give you a cookie :3)


_**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry Potter or to the song, (They Looked Like Strong Hands by Bayside)**_

_**Summary: Draco's conflict as he nears the road to becoming a Death Eater and his doubts...**_

_**A/N: My first songfic, please read and review!**_

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_This isn't who I am.  
From confidence to self doubt in 60 seconds.  
Storming stages and stereos from here to there,  
trying to prove that I belong.  
Trying to win approval from people that I don't isn't who I am. From confidence_

Draco looked in the mirror as he straightened his black button up jacket. He brushed his blond fringe out of his nervous gray eyes and took a deep breath as he examined himself. He had felt so confident when he had agreed to this, but now he was having doubts...

_'What if I cannot do this?' _thought Draco, exhaling through his mouth, his warm breath fogging up the mirror. He groaned and looked down to avoid looking at himself in the mirror. He sickened himself...he didn't want to do this...perhaps he could still get out of it!

_'No!'_ thought Draco fiercely. _'I must. Father expects it of me...' _thought Draco bitterly.

_And I look so strong _  
_when the weight of all the world _  
_don't take its toll. _  
_And I'd choose my sides _  
_if I believed in what was right, _  
_but I'm all wrong._

__"Hey Potter! Have a good summer with your freak relatives?" sneered Draco, crossing his arms as Crabbe and Goyle laughed throatily behind him. Harry rolled his verdant green eyes that Draco had gotten to know so well over the six years he had known.

"Oh just shut it, Malfoy." he snapped. "At least I didn't spend mine with Death Eaters." he spat in disgust. Draco glared daggers at Harry.

"Watch your mouth, Potter." hissed Draco, his silvery eyes flashing dangerously.

"You know it's true, Malfoy. We all do! You're a filthy, disgusting Death Eater. You chose the wrong side, Malfoy..." said Harry ominously before turning around, his friends throwing glares at Draco before turning and running after Harry.

**_You chose the wrong side, Malfoy..._**

_I'm not larger than life, I'm not taller than trees.  
Do I mean what I say? Is it just this disease where I never go home.  
Never telling the truth how this life eats away.  
Not admitting I'm fake  
and I'm questioning whether this whole thing was worth it to die poor and all alone?_

__Draco fiddled with his tie, taking as long as he could. He kept thinking of the words Harr-Potter had said to him.

_**You chose the wrong side,**__**Malfoy...**_

What if he had been right? What if he was making the wrong choice?

The more Draco thought of it as he prepared himself for his Death Eater ritual. He had been preparing himself for this for months. His father had been vague on the details, but Draco must not show hesitation or be punished. He straightened his black silk tie and looked at his appearance in the mirror. He looked flawless as usual. Not a speck on his jacket, not a blemish upon his pale skin and everything perfectly pressed. It disgusted him. His outer shell was meant to reflect upon his inner self but it did not. He was shattered on the inside. Shattered beyond repair. A lost boy. A boy that had strove to be perfect for his father and gotten lost on the way...then it hit Draco.

_'I can't do this...I can't go through with this...'_ he thought in a panic, but it was too late...

"Draco, hurry! We're going to be late!" called his father from down the stairs. Draco looked up, his gray eyes wide with fear. This was it...this was the end...

_And I look so strong  
when the weight of all the world  
don't take its toll.  
And I'd choose my sides  
if I believed in what was right,  
but I'm all wrong. _

__Draco appeared in front of Grimmauld Place with a pop. This was where Snape had told him to go. He told him to get help. Snape had saved him...Draco's Death Eater 'orientation' if it could be called hadn't gone according to plan. He had hesitated. Flinched away before the final deed was done, and he had pad for that...he doubled over, gripping his sides as he coughed blood up, the scarlet liquid staining the cement. He staggered towards Number 12, pale and dizzy from blood loss. Bruises spotted his normally impeccable skin and his clothes were torn and stained with blood. He hauled himself up the stairs, barely able to stand as he banged upon the door. He pounded for a good few minutes before the door was ripped open and Harry appeared, look absolutely _furious_.

"What the hell do you think you're doi-" he started to shout but his mouth dropped open and his words were lost when he noticed Draco's condition. "M-M-Malfoy," he gasped, his eyes wide with shock. "What the hell happened to you?" he asked in a whisper. Draco looked pleadingly at Harry and whispered a single word.

"Help..." he breathed out before collapsing, Harry catching him and lowering him to the floor. Harry's eyes fell on Draco's left arm and he pulled back in horror.

"Oh god..." he whispered. Draco's mark was there, but it had brutally been slashed out with something, crossing it out with an x...

_Just don't tell me this doesn't mean the world,  
'cause my ears would bleed and my heart would hit the floor._

__Draco's gray eyes fluttered open and he looked around. He felt pain, all over his body. He felt as if someone had shoved him through a meat grinder. He looked around, his eyes taking in the dark drapes and the gray walls. The door suddenly was opened and closed softly and quiet footsteps were heard padding across the room. Draco instantly, sat up, eyes wide with panic as he tried to get up. Suddenly though, someone was beside him and holding him down. Draco cried out in fear and struggled, vaguely hearing someone calling his name.

"Draco! Draco, please stop!" the voice cried. Draco recognized it immediately.

"Potter?" he asked hoarsely as Harry started to blur into view. His green eyes were wide and fearful, full of glittering tears.

"Thank god you're alright!" gasped Harry, sitting down on the bed beside Draco and sighing in relief.

"Wh-what do you mean alright?" he asked, wondering how the hell he had gotten here.

"You've been unconscious for ages..." said Harry quietly. "You showed up at my door around midnight all bloody and beaten...you scared me to death!" he said almost angrily.

"I scared _you_?" asked Draco incredulously. "Harry Bloody Potter? The Golden Boy? The Boy That Lived? The Boy That Defeate-" he was suddenly cut off by Harry's lips against his. Draco was startled for a moment and quickly pulled away, unused to such blatant affection.

"What the hell, Potter?!" he snapped after a few moments, feigning disgust. Harry blushed and looked down.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry for loving you..." whispered Harry, his cheeks a dark red as he got up. "Your wounds are healed. You can leave at any time." he muttered before racing out of the door, leaving a stunned Draco.

_And I look so strong  
when the weight of all the world  
don't take its toll.  
And I'd choose my sides  
if I believed in what was right,  
but I'm all wrong._

__Draco laughed and smacked Blaise on the back of the head, plastering his happy facade on. They were at Kings Cross, getting ready to go back to Hogwarts after Christmas break. Draco and Harry hadn't spoken once since Harry had kissed Draco as Draco had left that very day. But now, he felt different...he knew someone cared about him and he had rejected him. He had turned him away. Hurt him...Draco felt guilt wash over him for what felt like the millionth time. His eyes roamed the station as Blaise rambled on about his summer, his eyes immediately falling upon a laughing raven haired, green eyed boy. He looked happy, hugging his friends and grinned, but only Draco could see past it. His eyes were duller and lifeless, dark shadows underneath his eyes and his skin a shade paler than the last time Draco had seen him. Harry felt eyes watching him and turned, green meeting silver for the first time. Harry's eyes filled with pain as he remembered the rejection and guilt filled Draco. He wanted to run to him. Apologize to him. Kiss him even...Harry looked away with a look of bitter regret and sadness. Draco looked down, tears burning at his eyes and unbearable guilt filling him. Suddenly Draco felt a hand on his arm and looked into Blaise's concerned brown eyes.

"Draco, are you alright?" he asked worriedly, noticing his best friend's tears. Draco nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"I'm just fine Blaise." he said hoarsely. "Perfectly fine..." he whispered, looking one last time at Harry.

_'I'm so sorry Harry...please...forgive me...'_

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_**Well, I hope ya'll liked it! Please read and review 3**_


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